Reluctantly

I write this post reluctantly. 

I feel like something is lodged deep inside me. Almost like something is wedged in between my organs, keeping everything held tightly together, albeit temporarily. I have been feeling anxious throughout the day. It's been bubbling under the surface but every so often I feel like there's a jolt and that thing, that unidentifiable thing which is keeping everything together, feels as if it's shifted slightly. It makes me feel queasy and unsettled, like I need to take in deep breaths or vomit or cry. 

Then I'll force myself to think about something else and the anxiety becomes a gentle simmer. 

Writing this post reminds me of what awaits me in mere hours. 

Whenever I'm nervous I tell myself that this time tomorrow, it'll all be over. I'm telling myself that now and even though from past experience I know that things are never as bad as I anticipate, something always niggles at me. Something tells me that there is still the possibility of something going wrong.

Life just seems to be following this very pattern. So many things have the potential to go wrong. It's a terrifying thought. I just pray that there are few occurences of this and that if all hell breaks loose I am able to keep moving. 

Graduation sucks.

T